Tuesday, September 20, 2005

All Over All Over Again

These days my mind works in three seperate parts. The main is reserved for the day to day tender care of my family's domestic needs. The next is for getting back to some version of work. The last is filled with a constant loop of mourning, anger, loss, and general helplessness that has been with me since August 25th.

There are moments when reality threatens to slip away for good. All I can do is hang on tight to the knot at the end of my rope. It's as if there is a selfish teenager stuck inside me in rage mode. She claws her way to the forefront of my mind and whines about everything! All I can do is continue on and ignore the inner screams. An effort which leaves me drained and without any real sense of humor.

I'm one of the lucky ones and I still feel this way. Imagine what it must be like for those who fared much worse. How and when does this get easier?

I want my life back, I want my city back and I want those who are lost or scattered beyond my reach back. Dammit!!!!!!!!!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know the feeling and you described it very accurately. I've been back at work for two weeks but it has been hampered considerably by the lack of services. I'll tell someone I can't be sure when I can get them taken care of and they look at me like I'm from the moon. I'm tempted to tell them to turn on their radio or TV to just about any station and they might be able to wrap their mind around the reason for the disruption but I don't. It wouldn't do any good and I doubt it would make me feel any better. As soon as my anxiety wears off, the depression and rage will set in. I'm looking forward to it.

11:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

By the way, the previous comment was from me.


11:06 AM  
Blogger Harmony St. Charles said...

Hey Rob! I've been thinking about you and yours a lot lately. It's an awful situation all around that I don't think anyone who hasn't been there can understand. The lack of empathy by some is a real shame. Hang in there.

12:32 PM  

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